Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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