she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
