They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
