Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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