he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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