I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
