Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
