the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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