Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
