Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
