Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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