I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
