you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
