Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize