Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
