and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
