no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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