I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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