I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
