I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize