...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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