i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
