We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
