We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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