You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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