wanna go halves on a baby?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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