She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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