I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
