I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
