i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This house was built for laser tag.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
