Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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