pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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