She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
