God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
