Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
