24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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