I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
