Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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