I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
