Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
