I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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