if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
