I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
