Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
