its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
