oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
