So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
