ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
