that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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