peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
nutella sex= disaster
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
