so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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