Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
