I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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