He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
