I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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