sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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