he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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