please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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