I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
how drunk are you?
Several
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
