tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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