ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
