I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ttyl tear gas
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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