I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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