Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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