Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
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