I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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