Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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