Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
