So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
