I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
