hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
