What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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