Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
