Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize