FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
